Happy non anniversary to me

Well today is my 14th wedding anniversary and instead of being happy I am pretty miserable. My husband has decided he no longer wants to be married, thinks he needs half of any money we have and has gotten us in to such a bad state financially that he can't move out and so he just sits around watching crime tv and checks out. I am just so overly emotional...overly tired and just am totally lost......this is not what I bargained for and it is not what I wanted for my kids but if he is going to be like this, that is no good either. Apparently it is up to me to do everything, as usual....amazing how he doesn't want me but takes advantage of the food I am buying and the cleaning and laundry that I do..........
the kids seem ok....i just feel soooooo guilty that they are caught up in all this....i try to keep it all together quite honestly feel like I am falling apart...i know it is because I am so tired and i saw a twilight, which had able 5 sappy movie previews before the movie...grrrrrr
it helps to vent some and tomorrow will be a new day...even if the sun will not be out :)

The big day

Christmas Day went well for the most part. The boys were totally happy with their gifts.....at this age lots of the surprise is gone. All Zac wanted was an ipod touch and Timmy wanted shoes, a wii game and a Clemson football jersey. Easy Peasy lemon squeazy......
My mom, grandmama came to spend the day with us...even though the turkey was spoiled, lucky we found out before we cooked it, we made do with chicken strips as the meat...what do you do, nothing is open on Christmas Day, which is a good thing.
Eddie was here, though not very engaged.....spent any of the time not eating, or gifting, on the computer. Oh, well. He totally hated the clothes I got him, so I will return them and give him cash.......
At least the kids are happy with what they got and that was a good thing because it rained alll day.....
Happy Happy

Merry Christmas

When I was a kid I used to get so worked up over Christmas, the tree, the presents, Santa coming, family, and the candlelight service at church. I have tried to have many of these same traditions for my own children, some have stayed, some not so much. My 11 year old, Timmy is such a kid at heart. I think he still buys into the whole Santa thing. We were tracking Santa on NORAD and I could feel his excitement. My heart is breaking because my family is falling apart. My husband wants not to be with me anymore. He says he is done. He has tried and I never listen and he wants out. He has moved into the spare room. I am pretty crushed right now. I want desperately to make this work for our kids. They deserve so much better. Financially we are in such a place where we really can't afford this. I never thought I would end up like this....or I would put my kids through this. They don't want to leave their house or change schools.
This is on top of the events of December 3, when one of our two dogs attacked and killed our precious family cat Oreo in front of my 11 year old son. He tried to help and couldn't. It was pretty awful. I took the dog to the pound to be put down(he had also go out of our fence and tried to bite a walker) and then had to take the cat to the vet to be cremated. Thanks to my mom who came to help since my husband was at work. They boys are OK about the dog but we all miss the cat. I feel like this is supposed to be a joyful time of year and all I feel is stress and more stress.
I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. They deserve better. I just don't even know where to go with all this and what to do........
Things should be good, Zac made the basketball team at Alexander, we both have jobs. I guess I just have to let him do his thing and see where the chips fall.

Where Have We Been

Boy, it had been too long since I last posted......lets see what has been going on.....Zac finished up fall baseball, all in all a good season, worked our way into starting and up in the batting order. Zac is a smart batter, getting walks, hits and rarely swinging at bad pitches and one of the best things is a good attitude even when the umps are calling crazy. Timmy also finished up baseball and had fun even though the team wasn't the best. We also started out journey of the orthodontist by getting an expander to widen our upper jaw....grrrr....I leave that job to Daddy. School is OK, Zac made honor roll and Timmy forgot to turn in work....ugh. So we decided to take a break from sports to hopefully get our school life in better order. Zac is trying out for the middle school team and if he makes it he will play. The boys are getting back into scouts now that there are no baseball conflicts. It is so frustrating that the kids can do the work and just don't get it in. I get making a bad grade because you don't understand but not because you didn't turn it in. My friend of teen age boys assure me this is normal and will soon pass...that helps but it is sooooo frustrating to me.
The dogs are driving me crazy as well as the cat, but hey who would know that after we rescued 2 dogs the drought would end and our back yard would turn into a mud pit......at least Zac will help me bath them and I bought a steam cleaner to save the carpets. They are fun when the weather cooperates :0
We spent Thanksgiving with Grandmama and the Foster family ate the Pines...good food and nice to be with family. Hard to believe how fast time is flying. I am looking forward to a break for Christmas to hopefully get some things done around the house and get things back on track on many fronts.

Happy Birthday Timmy!!!!!

Hard to believe that 11 years ago you were born, completing our family. You came fast and early and haven't slowed down since :) I love your sensitive, creative and out of the box personality (though at times it wears me out). You are tons of fun and find joy in pretty much all situations. I hope you continue to grow up well and enjoy all the opportunities that are headed your way in the next few years. I always think back to you having to snuggle to fall asleep and rock rocking with you night night. I think I fell asleep with you in bed almost every night until you were almost 3. I miss those snuggle moments but know you have to grow up.

Mommy loves you very much.
xxxooooo

Happy Birthday Zac!!!!! A Teenager at Last

It is hard to believe that it has been thirteen years since Zac was born. What a crazy day that was...tropical storm and all driving to the hospital in driving rain:) the first of many to arrive at the maternity floor that night (actually early morning). Now you are 5'5" and almost pass your mother in height!!! I love the person you are becoming even thought you sometimes drive me nuts with not turning in your work on time. I am glad that baseball is going well for you and that you enjoy it so much.
I hope that the next thirteen years will be all that you want and bring you good things.
Thanks for being such a great kid!!!!! I love you bunches!!!!!

Where hads the time gone????

Things have been so crazy with school, baseball, homework, and life in general. The boys are doing well in school except for a few hiccups here and there when they forget to turn in work or do ALL the homework they have :0
Baseball has gone pretty well for Z, we seem to play most weekends, he did go camping one weekend and got to go to an elk farm and see elk. He said he had fun...even though he missed baseball. T's team is a work in progress, though they seem to have fun, they aren't the most accurate ball throwers which leads to numerous errors and lots of runs for the other team.
My job in busy with all the demands put on us by the administration and all the testing we have to do, even for 1st graders.....then taking the time to enter the data....grrrrrrrr....the kids in the class are pretty good, but it is a shame not to get to know them like I would like to with all the extra work we have to do.
October will continue to be hectic with the boys birthdays and more baseball. The weather has finally turned fall like :) I love love love this weather...no ac or heat needed.
At Z's last checkup he was 5'5'' and weighed 110...I can't believe it......probably by Christmas he will be as tall as me. T still is skinny skinny and gets on the scale and says how many pounds he has gained...probably the only one who gets excited about that.
Flu and virus' are going around like crazy, T ran a fever for 21/2 days but no flu or strep....he and I both got flu shots this weekend to try to avoid some of the problems......