Sunday, February 28, 2010

March Arrives Like a Lion or a Lamb

Well, we made it through February and have gotten through the first month (just about) of our new normal. The kids seem OK with it, there is definately less tension in the house, but they are still having some issues in school, getting assignments completed and the like. Zac's basketball coach has been a real help and hopefully he will be playing baseball so he can stay focused. I also need to check on line more frequently so I can stay on him. We start baseball tryouts tomorrow. Timmy is on a daily sheet and so that will help me and him be focused. They have spent some time with Daddy and here also. We are figuring everything out with that.

As for me, I am ready to get some things figured. I had a great weekend with Dave in Atlanta, even though we were both getting sick with the creepy crud colds. Then the following week we had no time together and this weekend he was gone. I don't handle that well since I feel so good when I am with him and when it is the weekend I get lonely. I hope that when the weather turns for the better that he will be able to introduce me to some guys so that he and I can figure out what our deal really is. GRRRRRR If I didn't feel this crazy connection it would be a no brainer and it probably should be anyway.

So lion/lamb???? we shall see. Monday should good weather wise but who knows emotionally. Then Tuesday????? maybe more snow??????

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Our New Life

Well, we are in the new phase of our life. Eddie is moved out and we are now a family of 3. The week at school and home seemed to go very smoothly. Actually, I feel like a weight has been lifted and that there is much less tension. My workload even seems less. As for the boys, they seem ok. Finally met with Timmy's teacher and we got some things in place to help him be more successful. We had the Pinewood Derby at scouts today. His car did not do that well but he had fun. He spent lots of time with Daddy so he liked that. We had a surprise snow fall so that was fun for the boys and the dog. We have out rescheduled baseball team party Saturday night so that should be fun for Zac. It will be very weird for me and was being at the scout function. Partly because I feel really lonely today and then people are not aware of the situation and it is a stupid weekend of supposed romance of which I am sorely lacking today and tomorrow. Actually being at work gives me less to think about with that.
I really don't even know how I got myself in the situation I have with my ???? Dave. We have this amazing connection and it just feels so amazing to be with him. He has really gotten me through this past month and a half. Keeping me level headed and helping me realize what I deserve in a relationship. For better or worse we crossed some lines we shouldn't have which is really messing with me. He is married which complicates things obviously. He has had issues in his marriage and we both feel this amazing connection but for me it means I just get these bits and pieces when it works and then I am all alone again. We are supposed to get out of town this coming weekend and after that I just need to force some kind of a decision. It is killing me not to be with him and the physical part is pretty amazing. I get that I had the ability to say no but really followed what he was willing to do which is no excuse. Grrrrrrrr really should just end the physical and then figure out if we could be friends. I feel like I need a friend who gets me.
Maybe I will get a grip as I move through this time in my life.
So that is where we are at this point in the journey.