Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Happy non anniversary to me

Well today is my 14th wedding anniversary and instead of being happy I am pretty miserable. My husband has decided he no longer wants to be married, thinks he needs half of any money we have and has gotten us in to such a bad state financially that he can't move out and so he just sits around watching crime tv and checks out. I am just so overly emotional...overly tired and just am totally lost......this is not what I bargained for and it is not what I wanted for my kids but if he is going to be like this, that is no good either. Apparently it is up to me to do everything, as usual....amazing how he doesn't want me but takes advantage of the food I am buying and the cleaning and laundry that I do..........
the kids seem ok....i just feel soooooo guilty that they are caught up in all this....i try to keep it all together quite honestly feel like I am falling apart...i know it is because I am so tired and i saw a twilight, which had able 5 sappy movie previews before the movie...grrrrrr
it helps to vent some and tomorrow will be a new day...even if the sun will not be out :)

Friday, December 25, 2009

The big day

Christmas Day went well for the most part. The boys were totally happy with their this age lots of the surprise is gone. All Zac wanted was an ipod touch and Timmy wanted shoes, a wii game and a Clemson football jersey. Easy Peasy lemon squeazy......
My mom, grandmama came to spend the day with us...even though the turkey was spoiled, lucky we found out before we cooked it, we made do with chicken strips as the meat...what do you do, nothing is open on Christmas Day, which is a good thing.
Eddie was here, though not very engaged.....spent any of the time not eating, or gifting, on the computer. Oh, well. He totally hated the clothes I got him, so I will return them and give him cash.......
At least the kids are happy with what they got and that was a good thing because it rained alll day.....
Happy Happy

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas

When I was a kid I used to get so worked up over Christmas, the tree, the presents, Santa coming, family, and the candlelight service at church. I have tried to have many of these same traditions for my own children, some have stayed, some not so much. My 11 year old, Timmy is such a kid at heart. I think he still buys into the whole Santa thing. We were tracking Santa on NORAD and I could feel his excitement. My heart is breaking because my family is falling apart. My husband wants not to be with me anymore. He says he is done. He has tried and I never listen and he wants out. He has moved into the spare room. I am pretty crushed right now. I want desperately to make this work for our kids. They deserve so much better. Financially we are in such a place where we really can't afford this. I never thought I would end up like this....or I would put my kids through this. They don't want to leave their house or change schools.
This is on top of the events of December 3, when one of our two dogs attacked and killed our precious family cat Oreo in front of my 11 year old son. He tried to help and couldn't. It was pretty awful. I took the dog to the pound to be put down(he had also go out of our fence and tried to bite a walker) and then had to take the cat to the vet to be cremated. Thanks to my mom who came to help since my husband was at work. They boys are OK about the dog but we all miss the cat. I feel like this is supposed to be a joyful time of year and all I feel is stress and more stress.
I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. They deserve better. I just don't even know where to go with all this and what to do........
Things should be good, Zac made the basketball team at Alexander, we both have jobs. I guess I just have to let him do his thing and see where the chips fall.