Snow Days

Life has definately fit the title of the blog lately. Plans have been made for moving out 2/5 and we meet with the lawyer 2/3. The house is a wreck with all his stuff everywhere a constant reminder of where this is all headed. I feel that this is the best thing for the family at this point since apparaently he has no interest in me or this relationship so here we go.
The kids seem ok......hard to tell with them. Timmy's report card was not what it should be so I have a meeting with his teacher Monday assuming we are able to have school after all the snow, ice and freezing temps.
The best part of all this has been reconnecting with a friend from HS who has totally gotten me through this mini hell. He seems to know what I need and best yet when I need it. He has been so supportive and keeps me rational most of the time at least.
My family has been great to, this is a new road for all of us and they are being really supportive. I am hoping that once he gets all this stuff out and I can get it the way I want it that that will help. It is really hard to look at all the boxes and know that the day is just around the corner even though I feel this is now the right thing to do it is still hard.
We got his with a big snow/sleet/cold event that has been fun but with the cold is lasting longest that usual. Fun times in NC.........This kids and dog are totally lovin it. The dog was made for the snow and would spend all day out if I let her.
This is not a road I thought I would be taking but it is the road I am on and I will make it a good trip.

Baby It's Cold Outside

Well we survived the first week back at school after Christmas break. It was hard to get used to getting up again and it didn't help that the temp was in the teens every morning and the highs only in the 30's. Very unusual for here. We are usually in the 40's and 50's....soooo lots if layers and bundling up.
The kids got back in their routines without too much grief. Zac had a game on Thursday and he scored:) First basket of the year for him. Their team got killed but he got lots of playing time. We had a good weekend for the most part. A friend from high school gave me some firewood, which was great since the stores were sold out, so we were able to enjoy a fire while watching football. The Jets pulled it out, yeah and the Pats lost so that was good for me. The other games not so good for me.
On the relationship front, things are still the same. He can't make a move since he has no money so we are stuck for now. I have reconnected with a friend from HS so that helps keep me centered and not so overly emotional. He is married so there is no chance there.
The kids are ok and they are my concern. Looks like we can go to Atlanta for opening week of baseball and catch some games.....so something to look forward to.
We are hanging in there even if the situation is not ideal. Life is too short to be unhappy and if he is that miserable he needs to fix what is broken so everyone can find some peace.
Hope that this week goes well also and then a short week the next week.

Back to work reality

Well, tomorrow it is back to work/school. Part of me is craving the routine but the other part loves the freedom and lack of schedule associated with vacation. I know the first few days will be hard since the kids are used to staying up late and sleeping in.
My new year started with a bang as on New Years Eve I washed my cell phone....needless to say it was a fatal mistake and with all that is going on right now I definitely need to have a phone and ways to get messages only for me. I ended up getting a blackberry...I really wanted the droid but due to financial issues not gonna happen.......the blackberry ended up being basically free with my rebate....I will pay more per month but now can do email and Internet which might be helpful in the future. So, I have been working on figuring out some of the ends and outs of the phone and hopefully have it functional enough that I can get by as I learn.
The kids seem OK with all the weirdness going on. I have no idea what Eddie is up to being on the kids computer all day...hopefully figuring out how to get us out of all the debt he got us into...if only our time share would sell......then basically problem solved for me.
Well, so far on the resolution front doing OK. It is killing me not to be able to run after doing something to my Achilles tendon. I may try walking at the gym today since it it COLD. What is up with this Yankee weather invading my south??????
I realize how special my boys are and how much I love them and pray that they come through this OK.

Resolutions, Smezalutions

It is that time to rethink and redirect. I guess that I have picked a few things to try and resolve and improve on in the coming year.
The first and most important is (given all that is going on with my husband) is to be a better and more consistent mother to my boys, to let them know that they are loved and cared for and to give them a soft place to fall when the times get tough.
Next, is to organize this house and get the little ticky tac stuff worked on so that if we need to sell, we can without too much grief (i hope)
Probably, like what everybody says is to get rid of a bit of this weight that I have put on recently...not much..10 lbs or so and to be better and more well rounded in my workouts at the gym.
Then I want to get my spiritual life in better order and be grateful for what I have and more positive even in hard circumstances.
I hope everyone has a good first day of the new year.

Happy non anniversary to me

Well today is my 14th wedding anniversary and instead of being happy I am pretty miserable. My husband has decided he no longer wants to be married, thinks he needs half of any money we have and has gotten us in to such a bad state financially that he can't move out and so he just sits around watching crime tv and checks out. I am just so overly emotional...overly tired and just am totally lost......this is not what I bargained for and it is not what I wanted for my kids but if he is going to be like this, that is no good either. Apparently it is up to me to do everything, as usual....amazing how he doesn't want me but takes advantage of the food I am buying and the cleaning and laundry that I do..........
the kids seem ok....i just feel soooooo guilty that they are caught up in all this....i try to keep it all together quite honestly feel like I am falling apart...i know it is because I am so tired and i saw a twilight, which had able 5 sappy movie previews before the movie...grrrrrr
it helps to vent some and tomorrow will be a new day...even if the sun will not be out :)

The big day

Christmas Day went well for the most part. The boys were totally happy with their gifts.....at this age lots of the surprise is gone. All Zac wanted was an ipod touch and Timmy wanted shoes, a wii game and a Clemson football jersey. Easy Peasy lemon squeazy......
My mom, grandmama came to spend the day with us...even though the turkey was spoiled, lucky we found out before we cooked it, we made do with chicken strips as the meat...what do you do, nothing is open on Christmas Day, which is a good thing.
Eddie was here, though not very engaged.....spent any of the time not eating, or gifting, on the computer. Oh, well. He totally hated the clothes I got him, so I will return them and give him cash.......
At least the kids are happy with what they got and that was a good thing because it rained alll day.....
Happy Happy

Merry Christmas

When I was a kid I used to get so worked up over Christmas, the tree, the presents, Santa coming, family, and the candlelight service at church. I have tried to have many of these same traditions for my own children, some have stayed, some not so much. My 11 year old, Timmy is such a kid at heart. I think he still buys into the whole Santa thing. We were tracking Santa on NORAD and I could feel his excitement. My heart is breaking because my family is falling apart. My husband wants not to be with me anymore. He says he is done. He has tried and I never listen and he wants out. He has moved into the spare room. I am pretty crushed right now. I want desperately to make this work for our kids. They deserve so much better. Financially we are in such a place where we really can't afford this. I never thought I would end up like this....or I would put my kids through this. They don't want to leave their house or change schools.
This is on top of the events of December 3, when one of our two dogs attacked and killed our precious family cat Oreo in front of my 11 year old son. He tried to help and couldn't. It was pretty awful. I took the dog to the pound to be put down(he had also go out of our fence and tried to bite a walker) and then had to take the cat to the vet to be cremated. Thanks to my mom who came to help since my husband was at work. They boys are OK about the dog but we all miss the cat. I feel like this is supposed to be a joyful time of year and all I feel is stress and more stress.
I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. They deserve better. I just don't even know where to go with all this and what to do........
Things should be good, Zac made the basketball team at Alexander, we both have jobs. I guess I just have to let him do his thing and see where the chips fall.