Spring has Sprung

Well, it has been way too long since I wrote anything about the kids or myself. This has been a month of highs and lows that somewhat mirror the weather. We began the month with snow and are ending it with beautiful spring NC weather. Baseball is going well for Zac, there team is 2-1 with two games cancelled because of wet fields. School is still a cross to bare for him and for Timmy. Timmy crossed over to the boyscout troop this past weekend. Timmy seems to enjoy time with Eddie at his place and Zac is more 50/50 about it. I guess that is to be expected. We are excited for Spring Break and going to Atlanta to see the Braves.
As for me I feel like I am a mess half the time. My buddy has been slammed at work and then has to go home so I have had little time with him and he has been my rock and I miss it terribly. I did meet one of his friends and he was nice and all but is in a messier situation than I am with his separation so he is not ready for a relationship and to devote any time to me. I miss having someone here in the evenings. It gets pretty lonely and I miss the hugs and snuggles. I know that things will look up as there are more opportunities to meet people and maybe I can find someone who can be for me. It is totally exhausting to do all this by myself, from the kids to the yard and all that is in between. I know things could be so much worse and I am grateful for all I have but it does not erase what I miss. I am looking forward to a good spring and some wonderful opportunities to grow and be a good mom.

March Arrives Like a Lion or a Lamb

Well, we made it through February and have gotten through the first month (just about) of our new normal. The kids seem OK with it, there is definately less tension in the house, but they are still having some issues in school, getting assignments completed and the like. Zac's basketball coach has been a real help and hopefully he will be playing baseball so he can stay focused. I also need to check on line more frequently so I can stay on him. We start baseball tryouts tomorrow. Timmy is on a daily sheet and so that will help me and him be focused. They have spent some time with Daddy and here also. We are figuring everything out with that.

As for me, I am ready to get some things figured. I had a great weekend with Dave in Atlanta, even though we were both getting sick with the creepy crud colds. Then the following week we had no time together and this weekend he was gone. I don't handle that well since I feel so good when I am with him and when it is the weekend I get lonely. I hope that when the weather turns for the better that he will be able to introduce me to some guys so that he and I can figure out what our deal really is. GRRRRRR If I didn't feel this crazy connection it would be a no brainer and it probably should be anyway.

So lion/lamb???? we shall see. Monday should good weather wise but who knows emotionally. Then Tuesday????? maybe more snow??????

Our New Life

Well, we are in the new phase of our life. Eddie is moved out and we are now a family of 3. The week at school and home seemed to go very smoothly. Actually, I feel like a weight has been lifted and that there is much less tension. My workload even seems less. As for the boys, they seem ok. Finally met with Timmy's teacher and we got some things in place to help him be more successful. We had the Pinewood Derby at scouts today. His car did not do that well but he had fun. He spent lots of time with Daddy so he liked that. We had a surprise snow fall so that was fun for the boys and the dog. We have out rescheduled baseball team party Saturday night so that should be fun for Zac. It will be very weird for me and was being at the scout function. Partly because I feel really lonely today and then people are not aware of the situation and it is a stupid weekend of supposed romance of which I am sorely lacking today and tomorrow. Actually being at work gives me less to think about with that.
I really don't even know how I got myself in the situation I have with my ???? Dave. We have this amazing connection and it just feels so amazing to be with him. He has really gotten me through this past month and a half. Keeping me level headed and helping me realize what I deserve in a relationship. For better or worse we crossed some lines we shouldn't have which is really messing with me. He is married which complicates things obviously. He has had issues in his marriage and we both feel this amazing connection but for me it means I just get these bits and pieces when it works and then I am all alone again. We are supposed to get out of town this coming weekend and after that I just need to force some kind of a decision. It is killing me not to be with him and the physical part is pretty amazing. I get that I had the ability to say no but really followed what he was willing to do which is no excuse. Grrrrrrrr really should just end the physical and then figure out if we could be friends. I feel like I need a friend who gets me.
Maybe I will get a grip as I move through this time in my life.
So that is where we are at this point in the journey.

Snow Days

Life has definately fit the title of the blog lately. Plans have been made for moving out 2/5 and we meet with the lawyer 2/3. The house is a wreck with all his stuff everywhere a constant reminder of where this is all headed. I feel that this is the best thing for the family at this point since apparaently he has no interest in me or this relationship so here we go.
The kids seem ok......hard to tell with them. Timmy's report card was not what it should be so I have a meeting with his teacher Monday assuming we are able to have school after all the snow, ice and freezing temps.
The best part of all this has been reconnecting with a friend from HS who has totally gotten me through this mini hell. He seems to know what I need and best yet when I need it. He has been so supportive and keeps me rational most of the time at least.
My family has been great to, this is a new road for all of us and they are being really supportive. I am hoping that once he gets all this stuff out and I can get it the way I want it that that will help. It is really hard to look at all the boxes and know that the day is just around the corner even though I feel this is now the right thing to do it is still hard.
We got his with a big snow/sleet/cold event that has been fun but with the cold is lasting longest that usual. Fun times in NC.........This kids and dog are totally lovin it. The dog was made for the snow and would spend all day out if I let her.
This is not a road I thought I would be taking but it is the road I am on and I will make it a good trip.

Baby It's Cold Outside

Well we survived the first week back at school after Christmas break. It was hard to get used to getting up again and it didn't help that the temp was in the teens every morning and the highs only in the 30's. Very unusual for here. We are usually in the 40's and 50's....soooo lots if layers and bundling up.
The kids got back in their routines without too much grief. Zac had a game on Thursday and he scored:) First basket of the year for him. Their team got killed but he got lots of playing time. We had a good weekend for the most part. A friend from high school gave me some firewood, which was great since the stores were sold out, so we were able to enjoy a fire while watching football. The Jets pulled it out, yeah and the Pats lost so that was good for me. The other games not so good for me.
On the relationship front, things are still the same. He can't make a move since he has no money so we are stuck for now. I have reconnected with a friend from HS so that helps keep me centered and not so overly emotional. He is married so there is no chance there.
The kids are ok and they are my concern. Looks like we can go to Atlanta for opening week of baseball and catch some games.....so something to look forward to.
We are hanging in there even if the situation is not ideal. Life is too short to be unhappy and if he is that miserable he needs to fix what is broken so everyone can find some peace.
Hope that this week goes well also and then a short week the next week.

Back to work reality

Well, tomorrow it is back to work/school. Part of me is craving the routine but the other part loves the freedom and lack of schedule associated with vacation. I know the first few days will be hard since the kids are used to staying up late and sleeping in.
My new year started with a bang as on New Years Eve I washed my cell phone....needless to say it was a fatal mistake and with all that is going on right now I definitely need to have a phone and ways to get messages only for me. I ended up getting a blackberry...I really wanted the droid but due to financial issues not gonna happen.......the blackberry ended up being basically free with my rebate....I will pay more per month but now can do email and Internet which might be helpful in the future. So, I have been working on figuring out some of the ends and outs of the phone and hopefully have it functional enough that I can get by as I learn.
The kids seem OK with all the weirdness going on. I have no idea what Eddie is up to being on the kids computer all day...hopefully figuring out how to get us out of all the debt he got us into...if only our time share would sell......then basically problem solved for me.
Well, so far on the resolution front doing OK. It is killing me not to be able to run after doing something to my Achilles tendon. I may try walking at the gym today since it it COLD. What is up with this Yankee weather invading my south??????
I realize how special my boys are and how much I love them and pray that they come through this OK.

Resolutions, Smezalutions

It is that time to rethink and redirect. I guess that I have picked a few things to try and resolve and improve on in the coming year.
The first and most important is (given all that is going on with my husband) is to be a better and more consistent mother to my boys, to let them know that they are loved and cared for and to give them a soft place to fall when the times get tough.
Next, is to organize this house and get the little ticky tac stuff worked on so that if we need to sell, we can without too much grief (i hope)
Probably, like what everybody says is to get rid of a bit of this weight that I have put on recently...not much..10 lbs or so and to be better and more well rounded in my workouts at the gym.
Then I want to get my spiritual life in better order and be grateful for what I have and more positive even in hard circumstances.
I hope everyone has a good first day of the new year.